Subject: [quicwg/base-drafts] Editorial suggestions on TLS (#3818)

From: Mike Bishop <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 02 Jul 2020 12:41:16 -0700

I believe these are all editorial, but please review.
You can view, comment on, or merge this pull request online at:

  https://github.com/quicwg/base-drafts/pull/3818

-- Commit Summary --

  * TLS review

-- File Changes --

    M draft-ietf-quic-tls.md (175)

-- Patch Links --

https://github.com/quicwg/base-drafts/pull/3818.patch
https://github.com/quicwg/base-drafts/pull/3818.diff

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From: Martin Thomson <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 02 Jul 2020 22:18:56 -0700

@martinthomson approved this pull request.

Thanks for doing this Mike.  It's telling how often I make the same mistakes.  I'd say "at least I was consistent, but I don't think that I was :)

Just a few tweaks and we're good.

> +derived from the Destination Connection ID in the client's first Initial packet
+(see {{initial-secrets}}). This provides protection against off-path attackers

```suggestion
derived from the Destination Connection ID in the client's first Initial packet;
see {{initial-secrets}}. This provides protection against off-path attackers
```

> @@ -973,7 +975,7 @@ order are left-padded with zeros to the size of the IV.  The exclusive OR of the
 padded packet number and the IV forms the AEAD nonce.
 
 The associated data, A, for the AEAD is the contents of the QUIC header,
-starting from the flags byte in either the short or long header, up to and
+starting from the initial byte of either the short or long header, up to and

```suggestion
starting from the first byte of either the short or long header, up to and
```

"initial" is a little loaded.

> @@ -1085,13 +1087,13 @@ Short Header Packet {
 ~~~
 {: #fig-sample title="Header Protection and Ciphertext Sample"}
 
-Before a TLS ciphersuite can be used with QUIC, a header protection algorithm
-MUST be specified for the AEAD used with that ciphersuite.  This document
-defines algorithms for AEAD_AES_128_GCM, AEAD_AES_128_CCM, AEAD_AES_256_GCM
-(all AES AEADs are defined in {{!AEAD=RFC5116}}), and
-AEAD_CHACHA20_POLY1305 {{!CHACHA=RFC8439}}.  Prior to TLS selecting a
-ciphersuite, AES header protection is used ({{hp-aes}}), matching the
-AEAD_AES_128_GCM packet protection.
+Before a TLS cipher suite can be used with QUIC, a header protection algorithm
+MUST be specified for the AEAD used with that cipher suite.  This document
+defines algorithms for AEAD_AES_128_GCM, AEAD_AES_128_CCM, AEAD_AES_256_GCM (all
+AES AEADs are defined in {{!AEAD=RFC5116}}), and AEAD_CHACHA20_POLY1305 (defined

```suggestion
these AES AEADs are defined in {{!AEAD=RFC5116}}), and AEAD_CHACHA20_POLY1305 (defined
```

> @@ -1110,7 +1112,7 @@ sample.
 To ensure that sufficient data is available for sampling, packets are padded so
 that the combined lengths of the encoded packet number and protected payload is
 at least 4 bytes longer than the sample required for header protection.  The
-ciphersuites defined in {{?TLS13}} - other than TLS_AES_128_CCM_8_SHA256, for
+cipher suites defined in {{!TLS13}} - other than TLS_AES_128_CCM_8_SHA256, for

I tend to use ? where the reference is normative.

If you follow this discipline and remove the last normative reference, the right thing happens.  But I can't see that happening here, so this change is fine.

> +Because QUIC provides different capabilities than TCP, certain aspects of the
+TLS handshake are different when used with QUIC.

```suggestion
Certain aspects of the TLS handshake are different when used with QUIC.
```

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From: Mike Bishop <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 07 Jul 2020 15:10:43 -0700

@MikeBishop pushed 1 commit.

6e638be2da8793e2f410fb5584b096f38914f904  Update draft-ietf-quic-tls.md

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From: Mike Bishop <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 07 Jul 2020 15:11:27 -0700

@MikeBishop commented on this pull request.

IIRC, I was echoing language from elsewhere, so you might want to see where else you used "initial."

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From: Mike Bishop <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 07 Jul 2020 15:15:34 -0700

000a681f67411ba63d70b375cf341a27ec85472d  Apply suggestions from code review

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From: Mike Bishop <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 07 Jul 2020 15:18:38 -0700

39e6b42ec95308fec64a01c22716c2f821bcf898  Apply suggestions from code review

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From: Martin Thomson <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 14 Jul 2020 00:16:43 -0700

@martinthomson pushed 1 commit.

1da964a57d65d8100e519de56bdd446efdf3c548  Merge branch 'master' into tls/mbishop_wglc

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From: Martin Thomson <[email-masked]>
Date: Tue, 14 Jul 2020 00:17:40 -0700

Merged #3818 into master.

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