Subject: [Roll] Gen-ART review of draft-ietf-roll-indus-routing-reqs-04

From: "McCann Peter-A001034" <[email-masked]>
Date: Thu, 5 Mar 2009 12:16:21 -0500

I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART) reviewer
for this draft (for background on Gen-ART, please see
http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html).

Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
you may receive.

Document: draft-ietf-roll-indus-routing-reqs-04.txt
Reviewer: Pete McCann
Review Date: 05 March 2009
IETF LC End Date: 05 March 2009
IESG Telechat date: unknown 

Summary: Ready but some editorial comments.  The draft provides an
         interesting overview of the particular problem domain of
         industrial control networks.

Major issues: 

Minor issues: 

The draft seems to contain a large number of run-on sentences.
Here is one I couldn't quite parse, from Section 8:

   Undecided yet is if these PDAs will use the LLN network directly to
   talk to field sensors, or if they will rather use other wireless
   connectivity that proxys back into the field, or to anywhere else,
   the user interfaces typically used for plant historians, asset
   management systems, and the likes.

Nits/editorial comments: 

Section 2.1:
OLD:
   most users tend to not aim
NEW:
   most users tend not to aim

Section 2.2.1:
OLD:
   Form afar,
NEW:
   From afar,

Section 4:
OLD:
   random bit errors, so white noise
NEW:
   random bit errors due to white noise

Section 10:
OLD:
   risks of temporary losing connectivity,
NEW:
   risks of temporarily losing connectivity,

OLD:
   Wireless typically forces abandonance of classical 'by perimeter'
NEW:
   The wireless environment typically forces the abandonment of
classical 'by perimeter'