Subject: [rtcweb] Comments on draft-ietf-rtcweb-overview-06

From: Tony Hansen <[email-masked]>
Date: Sun, 24 Feb 2013 18:31:32 -0500

Some comments on draft-ietf-rtcweb-overview-06.

Overall I think the document is pretty good and provides a decent 
overview of RTCWEB. Some specific comments follow.

     Tony Hansen

*) Section 2.2, paragraph two that starts with "Together, these...":

This paragraph is one long sentence. The following is an attempt to 
rewrite it and make it clearer:

Together, these two specifications aim to provide an environment where 
Javascript embedded in any
page is able to set up communication using audio, video and auxiliary 
data. Such a page must be viewed
in a compatible browser and suitably authorized by its user. In 
addition, the browser environment must
not constrain the types of application in which this functionality can 
be used.

*) Section 2.2, paragraph 4, last sentence:

change "Both subject" to "Both are subject"

*) Section 3, first paragraph:

This single-sentence paragraph would be improved by breaking it apart 
and simplifying the separate sentences a bit. The following is a suggestion:

The model of real-time support for browser-based applications does not 
envisage that the browser will contain all the functions necessary to 
act as something like a telephone or a video conferencing unit. The 
vision is that the browser will have the functions needed for a Web 
application to implement these capabilities, working in conjunction with 
its backend servers.

*) Section 3, second paragraph, after the colon in the first sentence:

change "The protocols that" to "the protocols that"

*) Section 3, paragraph 8 that starts with "For example,":

There needs to be references for XMPP over Websockets and XMPP over 
BOSH, or possibly just BOSH.

*) Section 3, paragraph 9:

I think you need to change "described in the document" to "described in 
this document". If this is not correct, then elucidation is needed on 
which document is meant by "the document".

*) Section 3, paragraph 10, bullet 1

change "Congestion management" to "congestion management"

*) Section 3, paragraph 10, bullet 3, 4th paragraph that starts with "In 
order";

Either change the clause "a session description" to  "i.e. a session 
description", or make "a session description" a parenthetical clause, as in

     In order to make use of data formats, a way to describe them (a 
session description) is needed.

*) Section 3, paragraph 11 that starts with "Within each", last sentence:

Add "The" to the beginning of the sentence. Also, I think it would read 
better swapping the words "enough specified".

*) Section 4, paragraph 3:

What is "T"? I think something got lost from version 4, as in "The data 
transport protocols used by RTCWEB".